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EPISODE 4 – Kneecaps

 

Kevin F & Kevin H are at home in their flat

KF:          You know Kev, I wasn’t very happy with you for that Kelly Brook thing you know.

KH:         Yeah, sorry about that Kev, sometimes I get confused with the fact that you’re called Kevin as well as me. All
the mistaken identities and hilarious happenings just won’t stop will they? Do you remember that woman and the email? That was funny though eh?

KF:          It was hilarious.

KH:         Sorry Kev, it won’t happen again. In fact the next time someone knocks at the door you can open it.

There is a knock at the door.

KH:         There you go!

KF answers the door to a swarthy chap with dark hair and a large handgun.

Man:     Hello, my name is Andreas Stantone. I’m from the West Country wing of the Sardinian Stantone crime family. I’m looking for Kevin Spacey from the film “The Usual Suspects”. He owes my family a large amount of money, drugs, cider and goats and I want them back. I’ve been told that there are 2 people called Kevin who live here. Are you Kevin Spacey?

KF:          Hmm…this sounds suspiciously like a case of mistaken identity to me. My name is Kevin Fr…

AS shoots KF in the kneecap. KF falls down bleeding.

KF:          Ouch! Bloody hell! What did you do that for? My name’s Kevin Ferguson! Look here’s my North London Council IT pass!

NC:         Hmmm…oh yeah, Kevin Ferguson. My mistake. Sorry about that. Thought you were going to say Kevin Spacey. Here have a tissue. Turns to KH. Who are you then?

KH:         Don’t shoot! This is a simple case of mistaken identity although just not as funny as some of the previous incidences we’ve had! Look here’s my North London Council pass which shows I’m called Kevin Hanlon!

AS:         Oh OK, I won’t shoot you then. Sorry about your friend.

KH:         Don’t worry, he’ll see the funny side eventually. Good luck with your search. Try the flats above the newsagent. I think Kevin Spacey out of “The Usual Suspects” might live there. Try not to get confused though as Kevin Keegan & Kevin Costner live there too.

NC:         Thanks for the advice. Sorry about the knee again Kevin. Here, looks you need another tissue.

KF:          Thanks, I suppose the incident is pretty funny although there was this was this time when a strange woman emailed me. That was brilliant!

KH:         Hilarious and not as bloody!

Everybody laughs

END

26 MINUTES THEME TUNE – a drum solo by Simon Phillips when he was in the Michael Schenker Group

1 Comment on this article

  • BobMunkee 2016-01-26

    This is usually the highlight of my week!

    Not this week.

    Whoever writes this tripe must do better.

    Reply

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