It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! Our regular inquisitor known as Problem Child has started writing regularly at intertwit.com. He controversial, he’s forthright, he’s frank, he’s pre-pubescent.
But he speaks the truth…well his version of the truth at any rate…read on and be enthralled, appalled and then physically sick…PROBLEM CHILD!
I’m Problem Child and I know a thing or two. Much more than, say, you….for example. It’s just an example, I might be wrong (unlikely).
Anyway, you’ll be delighted to hear that I’ve accepted Intertwit’s offer of having me as a regular contributor. Looking back over my 12 years and 8 months (of life) I can see why:
· I have impeccable education: expensive, elitist, non-inclusive in all kinds of ways – including heterosexuality
· I’m going to be a politician or a banker (depends a bit on daddy and who he knows) – but either way, you can trust me accordingly
So I’m kicking off with a special report on the UK general election forthcoming. Sadly I won’t be able to vote (a travesty – it should be based on “intelligence” not “age”). So that’s my first point. Change the law on that. I don’t see any party putting that on the table. Idiots.
However, on to more mainstream matters which may be concerning those – like yourself – that have haven’t had private education, perhaps drive a Nissan or a Ford (a car of say 3-7 years old, starting to have niggling electrical or throttle problems but that can’t afford a new car yet – sound familiar?). Well, this is for you. Why are you in this position? Why, why, why you scream? (much like my daddy last year when his bonus was only 3.2 million, down 17% – something to do with the fact the banks are subsidised by the working man whatever that is). Sometimes life isn’t fair. While daddy doesn’t often speak to me, I weep sometimes out of sheer empathy.
So anyway, yes, why are you in this position? You can vote to change it. Is it “nature” or is it “nurture”? By the former I mean you might not be as intelligent as me. By the latter I mean, everything else – like, for example, the government. It’s one thing being thick, it’s another being treated accordingly. I’m completely OK with radical transform on all areas accordingly (so long as it doesn’t have a majorly adverse impact on inheritance tax).
So let’s pick two hot topics.
1. Could Labour really raise nearly £20bn by reversing Conservative corporation tax cuts?
2. If 30% more people under 25 vote, could the Conservatives actually lose the election?
While the conservatives are a little “left” for my taste, they’ll probably win (according to my notes). And yes, I know what you’re thinking. What does this smarmy, privileged, stuck-up, know-it-all, 12 year old freak have to offer of any relevance to me whatsoever. It’s a fair point.
But bear in mind I’ve been to Tottenham. Bit of a trek from West Brompton but I did it to learn. To see it, live it, breathe it. And then report back with a balanced view for you. I did it so you don’t have to.
Well, that was special wasn’t it fellow intertwitters!? Want to respond to Problem Child. Do it now, just under here!