Hola,
I am putting together a film, with a working title of The Grammar School of Curious Intolerant Children, and intend to set it in your xenophobic little island as making a film in Spanish would be totes loco, and my intern researchers have failed to identify if Judi Dench speaks Español.

It will tackle the difficult subject of food intolerance, which is, how you say, bang on trend. It will be humorous and light hearted with probably Hugh Grant as the headmaster or maybe a bit darker with Vinny Jones or Ian McShane.

I have done some research on what a traditional English school looks like and I have concluded the following;
•all girl schools have a headmaster in drag, with dubious characters lurking in the bushes with betting slips while the staff and pupils carry out illegal but well intentioned capers.

•for mixed schools, it is only accessible by way of a steam train from a concealed platform at Kings Cross to transport you to a wholly unlikely establishment obsessed with sorcery, so probably some ropey creationist free school.
There are not many films about all boy schools so I was hoping you could enlighten me as to the way of education in these secretive establishments. These mystical places surely produce your country’s  leaders of industry where they develop skills through Latin, rugby and chess.

I will be working on my script so welcome all suggestions from Intertwit experts.

¿ can you help me, por favour?

paz y amor