Celebrities and Reality Shows
Hi there intertwit.
I really like celebrities and all their wacky ways and I especially like it when celebrities demonstrate their wackiness on celebrity reality TV programmes like Celebrity Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing, Celebrities Under Ice, Celebrities Up the Jungle, Celebrity On The Buses and Celebrities Under A Hammer.
I realise I may be getting confused here but my point is that I really like all this sort of crap. So what I want to know is this. I want to plan my television watching over the next 5-10 years so can you tell me who of the current A list zeitgeist-riding celebs is likely to be in a desperate need of a career boost in the coming years?
I really really need to know!
Thanks Bingo, what a smashing question!
Celebrities really are great aren’t they and we love it when they’re out of their comfort zone eating spiders, performing the Argentine tango or screaming their heads off at fellow contestants in a hot tub. Brilliant!
But just who will be appearing next in this never-ending stream of professional desperation? Whose star will have waned sufficiently over the next few years so their dreams of acting, singing and athletic stardom will have faded until memories are all they possess of a once vital and vibrant career…?
Well if we ignore the usual Holby City \ Casualty \ Hollyoaks crowd and the rest of the Essex \ Chelsea \ Geordie mob (as they are naturally pencilled in somewhere over the next 3 years) let’s look at a few likely characters from other spheres…
Music… well what about the current 2 leading boy \ girl bands of the age. 1D and Little Mix?
1D look ripe for alligator testicles pretty soon we’d say. The Irish fella and the Northern lad look shoe-ins for 2019/20 now that their solo careers are done as one album each is more than enough. Liam (the one who is just about to split up with 2012 “Queen of our Hearts” – Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini-Payne ) will be following shortly after in 2021 and will talk incessantly about the breakup before copping off with a heavily tattooed lady in the Big Brother smoking area.
Harry Styles maybe a little more bullet proof at the moment as he attempts to carve out a serious musical career so we don’t expect him to start dancing \ cooking \ ice-skating until around 2027 – possibly in a dream team moment with Robbie Williams just before they exhume the bodies of the rest of Take That for a last farewell tour.
Speaking of Take That, Gary Barlow won’t be appearing in any celeb stuff as his burger van business around the Great Manchester area has really started taking off.
So to Little Mix then. We really like these girls and right now they’re as hot as hell despite the fact they regularly appear to get dressed in the dark and end up wearing next to nothing on stage! Unfortunately though, Little Mix have no time for reality TV mainly due to the fact their management insist on working them like modern day slaves 24/7 in case the public forget who they are for more than 3 minutes. The girls are on a one way leotard wearing trip to oblivion and exhaustion so we reckon we’ll be seeing Jesy Nelson jumping out of a plane over Australia in Dec 2020. It’s a pity her mum Carol Vorderman has already been out to Australia as that would be good TV we reckon!
The other girls, whose names we temporarily forget, would be a good addition to Celebrity Come Dine With Me. The one who went out Zayn Malik could do it with him in the couples edition. That’d be good.
Although we don’t know much about other current musicians we always see Charlie XCX and Rita Ora in the Metro most days as if they were dressed for their Summer holidays. Singers by trade apparently, expect them to be releasing cookbooks after appearing on Masterchef in 2021. The good thing about publishing a cook book is you’ve then got a foothold into writing books for children which appears to be latest charlatan’s way of pretending you’re really talented.
What about the chaps then? Well the Rag and Bone Man has had his 10 minutes so expect him dressed in lycra and sequins after his 2nd album bombs out.
And the Grime fellas. What about them? Well Stormzy has already sold out by releasing a record with a backing choir so his music career is now finished. He’ll be good at attempting the Triple Salkow on Come Dancing Under Ice which is a reality show so unrelentingly awful that’ll they’ll probably have cancelled it again. Stormzy may therefore have to appear on the new yet-to-be commissioned show “Carry On Strictly Up the Buses” where celebs get to drive a London Routemaster bus through a Monday morning rush hour while flirting with members of the opposite sex by shouting out “Phhwoooaar” quite a lot. This one has a way to go with TV execs due to the current climate but never say never.
That’s enough musicians and the like we think. What about actors though? You know, the important actor people who can really change the world with their massive life experience…
Well. personages we’d like to see covering themselves in mud or tempering chocolate are Posh actors like Eddie Redmayne, Benedict Cumberbatch and Emilia Fox (they would of course be able to have their butlers and ladies-in-waiting to help though).
Speaking of posh, Boris Johnson is currently evens favourite to be either Prime minister or impersonating Janis Joplin on the soon to be revived Celebrities Stars Up Their Eyes. 2021 for that at the latest.
So that’s quite a lot to look forward to isn’t in Bingo! Bring on the failed career paths!