Parking etiquette inglés

hola,

i am muchos confused. In the Uk it is ok to abandon your carrito or trolley adjacent to your car as you drive off your bmw or Mercedes or Audi like some slave will tidy it away in your absence while you get on your I phone and chat to your numpty mates about sweet FA not giving a monkey’s toenail abouth the carrito blowing around the car park you have left into some other motor mobile.   ¿Que?

Medium Twit Asked on 2016-02-06 in I'm confused.
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2 Answer(s)

hola Hertfordtwit,

muchos gracias for your advice. I have just put a deposit (a monitory deposit) on a nice Volvo XC90, something I would not have considered but for your invaluable advice. The salesman said it had the best safety rating, very useful with all those DAMK drivers out there. I briefly considered a Subaru but my knuckles do not drag, so no point. It’s loco out there

Paz y amor

Lostobillos

 

 

 

Medium Twit Answered on 2016-02-13.
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Lostobillos, I can see you have many questions about driving in England and this one is very interesting indeed.

To put it bluntly, no it is not alright to leave your shopping trolley to be blown about the car park like a discarded plastic bag. You should of course tidy it away in the designated shopping trolley bays as any normal citizen would.

However, I can see what you have come up against and it looks to me to be a simple but annoying case of “Deutsch Auto Madness Krankheit” (DAMK). In English we call it “German Car Madness Disease”. In Spanish you may understand it better as “Enfermedades Madness Tarjeta Alemán”.

DAMK can affect anyone at anytime and the symptoms can be seen approximately five minutes after buying a powerful German car such as a Mercedes, BMW and to a lesser extent an Audi.

On turning the key in the ignition the driver will uncontrollably feel the need to rev his engine very loudly and accelerate away at high speed even (or especially) if there is another vehicle 10 yards in front of them. Breaking hard at every opportunity and speeding up again for no reason is a key trait in DAMK sufferers. They think is “cool” when it is in fact “twattish behaviour” of the highest order*.

DAMK is especially prevalent in urban areas and is almost at pandemic levels in North London in and around the A10 & A406. On dual carriageways and motorways, these vehicles and their drivers should be avoided wherever possible as they will either:

  1. Weave in and out of all lanes, flashing their lights, undertaking and overtaking wildly and dangerously while talking loudly on their phones
  2. Sit in the middle lane for 40 miles while talking loudly on their phones
  3. Do both 1 & 2 while talking loudly on their phones

Although we recommend that you do not confront these drivers on a one to one level it is OK to hold up a sign that reads something like:

black-bmw-customized-2

It might not have any effect on the DAMK sufferer but it will make you feel better.

Good luck Lostobillos, and if you’re buying a new or used car then think about something Japanese or Swedish.

*Readers, under no circumstances should you confuse “Twattish” with “Twittish”. To be “Twattish” is to be boorish, ignorant and a menace to others. “Twittish” on the other hand is just stupid or silly behaviour that is inherently laced with a good deal of charm and wit. (t)wit. Understand?

Chief Twit Answered on 2016-02-07.
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