So many questions we need to ask
Life is so wonderful and all the answers to everything have been handed to us on a plate so I guess we have lost the ability to answer questions, let alone ask them.
When we asked if Teresa May was the best thing since sliced bread, the whole country came out to confirm she was indeed, strong and stable like a Homepride loaf, or Sunblest or maybe Slimcea, but anyway, I digress, we asked the question, or was the question thrust upon us in a “snap question” kind of way.
When we asked should we stay in the EU many people confused this with “should we get rid of the annoying foreigners with a work ethic” and duly said, yes, we should sneer at them and be work-shy tossers, and be the best we can be, sipping our wifebeater watching Love Island.
So we are a happy nation, finding our way in this new world order, so what are the questions we should be asking. I suggest a few, because an inquisitive mind is a healthy mind, and a heathy mind is what we are encouraged to cultivate as we live longer but with sod all to actually stimulate us, apart from maybe Love Island, or Pretty Thick People, as I suggest it maybe should be called.
So question number 1
Should we build a new “high speed” railway to wherever using long planks of metal, carrying boxes of metal, on metal wheels at speeds of up to not very much, so that we can trim minutes off the journey from London to wherever, by a few minutes. Sounds like billions of money we need to borrow off someone else, as we have none, well spent.
Should we create massive tax breaks for the rich or finance food banks.
With all this freeview television, while limited in its scope of mostly American/Antipodean extreme or mild peril programmes of Ice Road Outback Loggers on Giant/small Ships/Tractors/Tanks/Bridges I feel we need a little more. We all hark back to the days of Raw Power with Phil Alexander and Ann Kirk, circa 1991 in the prime time slot of about 2am. Thank the Lord for VHS and hungover Saturday mornings watching the likes of Smells like Teen Spirit for the first time 5 times on the trot (Thank the Lord for VHS). So, with all these campaigns, why not have a whole Freeview station of everything that is good about rock, new and old, not some rusty, highly edited Top of the Pops, or a load of hos and bitches and bitches and hos on 4music.
I think 3 questions is probably enough for now
Peace and love
John O’B, it’s been a while but we are glad to hear from you once again. And from the stream of consciousness above of it looks like you’ve been doing some serious thinking and general mulling over of things and recent events.
And yes we do actually agree with you – the world does appear to be in a constant state of absolute f**kwittery doesn’t it? Strange men and women are in power all over the place, we’re awash with disasters and terrorists and despite all the referendums and elections it would appears that none of those entrusted with power have a fecking clue what they are doing.
This arse \ elbow diagram sums it up nicely:
Well, with that cleared up let’s turn to the specifics of your question John O’B.
Q1 – Should we have a high speed rail link to North?
In a nutshell – no.
If you want to meet someone from the North of England just tell them to jog on and meet somewhere a bit closer to the South.
- Want to have a meeting with someone from Carlisle? Tell them to get on a horse bought at the Appleby Horse Fair and meet in Crewe
- Got business with a horse-punching Geordie? Tell them you’ll see them in the station bar at Sheffield
- Mancunians, crack on down to Leicester. Kasabian look like they come Manchester anyway and they’ve got a more recent Premiership winning team than either of your lot
- And Brummies, ride a cocked-horse to Banbury in Oxfordshire! It’s close to the M40 and both the Power Park & Thorpeway industrial estates. And if you fancy some fresh air then take a turn round the Spiceball Country Park. Want some entertainment a bit later? Well, Cropredy and its world famous folk festival is just up the road.
Remember John O’B, there’s nothing up North that can’t come down South a bit. Although not too far South, because that’ll be France.
Question 2 – Should we create massive tax breaks for the rich or finance food banks.
Well neither. Tax the former so we don’t have the latter. That sounds sensible doesn’t it? As the former Chancellor, George Osborne, once said “We’re all in it together”.
Of course, although he said it he didn’t really mean it. What he meant to say is:
“The public sector will bear the brunt of the massive crookedness and recklessness of the banking sector by having a 0% pay rise for 3 years then a capped rise of 1% for the next 4 years and beyond. It’s OK because they all get a good pension (although as we keep on raising the State Retirement Age we’re hoping they’ll all be dead by the time they get there). Also we’ll be cutting services all over the place because if we upset the bankers then they might get the hump and leave the country. (Although they’ll be hightailing it to Dublin & Frankfurt very soon after Brexit).
And when I say “We’re all in it together”, I don’t include me or my pig-fellating pals. I’ve got a new job as a newspaper editor so stuff you.”
Q3 – Why not have a Freeview channel devoted to everything that’s food in rock?
JohnOB, this a quite frankly brilliant idea. If it wasn’t for those 2am Raw Power shows we wouldn’t be the good for nothing layabouts that we’ve developed into today.
For example we would never have got to see dear old Henry Rollins shouting about his good for nothing self like this:
and we would never have seen this quite frankly brilliant vid shot on a flying carpet by the riff-tastic Cathedral! Dig the handclaps at 2:05!
However, if we were Vanessa Warwick today and we had our own show this is what we’d be playing right now – it’s freaking catchy:
…and we’d be definitely be playing this. It’s even freaking catchier!
…and what about this brilliant piece of heaviness and harmony??? At 4:00 onwards it’s like the Everley brothers! (albeit a heavily distorted version).
What we’d really like to do though is just pay whole albums worth of stuff like this alt-country genius
…and if we had a combined digital radio station just imagine this 62 minute one song affair being played on the breakfast show or at drive time! Chris’ Moyles and Evans can shove it!
Now that would be a music station…
Anyone who would like to donate to help us get this idea of the ground then www.intertwit.com is the place to contact us!
Thanks JohnO’B, you really ought to be congratulated for this idea. Really you ought.
As all good meetings should start, I extend my apologies, notably for my tardy response. Sorry.
Anyway I could say it was because of poor Wi-Fi or I could just say the truth, that I have been in a cave on Mars. No really! I know they are advertising trips to Mars for, err, tourists and scientists, but we have been going back and forth for years getting all those rare earth (yes, on earth) metals that you all so desperately need for your phones and shit. Anyway ,poor old me, have to hack it out to Mars every month for you to keep tweeting, liking and snaptwatting. Anyway, it pays well, and I get every third weekend off. Plenty of room on Mars for the next series of Love Island. Will give all them all a free ride just to watch the vacuous twats get jiggy on the surface of Mars. Pack the factor 500 you numpties.
Thank you Chief Twit for clarifying everything. Top Answers!
Sorry northerners, looks like you have to make the most of what you have, namely the Humber bridge, angel of the north and Hadrian’s wall: all pointless. If we are going to put a high speed rail anywhere, it should be Dublin, so at least we get a damn good pint of stout for our efforts at the end of it.
Tax breaks; think we have that sorted, and agreed you should suffocate the beast that is the economy until it is as dead as a Tory U turn, sorry , dodo. I always say, when then country is on its knees, kick it in the public sector knackers, and then kick it again. Keep the buggers on their knees.
As for the music suggestion, we have a digital station in the wings for sure.
Cathedral Midnight Mountain, lovely rug, Mastodon, just great.
Kvelertak will be amazing once they get their O levels , or is it GCSEs or NVQs level 1 or 2? Love the stuffed owl; what a hoot.
I know the pallbearer guys well, shared a cave with them on Mars. Lovely bokes. V intense.
And we all love a bit of alt country so bring it on with Lift2…
I will definitely make an effort to listen to Sleep on my next trip out to Mars. Did I mention my trips to Mars?
During my next interplanetary trip I will come up with some new questions.
Peace and love