What kind of undergarments to wear given coronavirus?

Dear Mr Twit,

Another COVID-19 question if I may…

What would your recommendation be on undergarments to keep the very serious issue of the virus at bay? I’ve settled on extremely thick rubber under pants with studs in them. I bought them online from a specialist. As with my hat question I don’t believe there is an official policy on this. If you could advise on this it would be appreciated as I’m getting criticism from my wife and on that basis alone it would make sense to perhaps have a different strategy (and to protect myself from the virus).

Minor Twerp

Major Twit Asked on 6th April 2020 in Medical.
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3 Answer(s)

Hi there again Minor Twerp, I hope you and your family are continuing to keep safe and off the streets.

Reading your latest question we actually really do think that it’s extremely important that you do stay at home and away from other people at all times. Not just in this worrying moment for the world but for the foreseeable future. Have a think about it at any rate. Please.

As for you query, there is no Covid-19 guidance on undergarment apparel from the UK Government, World Health Organisation or even the Graeme Norton Show but if we read between the lines we can safely assume that all of these bodies would prefer people to keep their groinal regions out of sight and covered up.

If you want to wear rubber and studs then it really is your choice and we look forward to receiving a question from your partner in the very near future. We prefer breathable polycotton jersey style trunks.

Once again Minor Twerp we are very pleased to be able to offer you and your family some helpful advice. We would only reiterate our plea for you to stay at home safely locked behind the doors of your basement/torture dungeon/goat compound.

Chief Twit Answered on 13th April 2020.
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As we both know Mr Twit we are both locked in the same ‘institution’ in adjacent rooms. I was trying to maintain the illusion that we only communicated via this mighty fine website rather than screaming down the corridor at each other from behind doors. Have you worked out how to open them yet from the inside?

Anyway, as the nurses wheeled you down the corridor just now in that constraining belt thingy, I wondered if you should drop the knee-length woollen socks? If you do I’ll get some cotton underpants. The rubber ones are creating issues.

Thanks for the photo. Never seen you wear a tie before. Nice addition. Adds something for sure!

I always appreciate your advice but there again that got me in here in the first place.

Major Twit Answered on 13th April 2020.
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Oh Minor Twerp, what larks we are having here today!

On a separate, but entirely related, note did you know that intertwit.com can offer a full range of legal services at highly competitive rates? We’re competitive because we’re not strictly qualified to offer legal advice and anything we do advise is to be taken with a very large pinch of salt. Well, what do you expect for £5 and hour with a retainer of a daily creme egg? Petrocelli? (1970’s reference for the more Rockford Files inclined of you).

However, bearing in mind you current institutionalised state this financial and chocolatey retainer also offers you the chance of a free, full and frank psychological assessment which may come in useful if you find your liberties in danger of being deprived.

Minor Twerp, we look forward to extending our relationship further in the coming days, weeks and months!

 

Chief Twit Answered on 13th April 2020.
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