Will Mr Boris Johnson be fixing the weather/climate please?

Dear Mr Intertwit, I’m 13.5 years old now and apparently this disqualifies me from being a member of Boris Johnson’s new cabinet – some crazy rule about not having immature persons in senior posts….which begs a few other questions.

Anyway, to address the matter of rising temperatures and climate change I’ve resorted to contacting you directly as no doubt you have a direct line to Boris or may indeed be able to get it all sorted your good self.

I’d very much appreciate it if you could crack on with this very quickly as I’m over-heating. I also might need to get a train to a school disco and apparently they’re not working very well due to the heat.

When it’s done please contact my banker parents who will relay the news via various servants/cleaners/gardeners/builders (we don’t talk directly due to them being too busy). Thank you, Problem Child

Medium Twit Asked on 26th July 2019 in Hair related matters.
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3 Answer(s)

I’m going to submit an answer if I may Problem Child. I’ve been following your interwit.com question career rather keenly and while, like everyone else I suspect,  I find you incredibly spoilt and annoying here’s my thoughts.

Boris “BoJo” Johnson is a lovable and raffish buffoon. A tousle-haired blonde dotard with little understanding of anything beyond his own selfish desires and wants and the relentless need to feather his already considerable nest. But those are just his good points. He is of course considerably worse than that and couldn’t give a flying garden bridge about climate change. And if he did he wouldn’t know the first place to start as this arse\elbow pictorial demonstrates:

We might as well all just go and die in a ditch.

I hope that helps Problem Child!

Regards

Mr B Caracas

BonViveur of life (2nd Class)

Minor Twit Answered on 29th July 2019.

Dear Mr B Caracas,

I think if you met me you would want to adopt me and take me out of this hideous world of private schooling and  unlimited funds for this and that. It’s difficult being the son of bankers. I learnt the other day that social workers, that do a much more important job I hear, apparently earn a bit less than mummy and daddy. Seems odd and I don’t believe it.

Anyway, thanks for the update –  mummy and daddy are off on a cruise and I’m looking forward to seeing them when they get back in 2023. Meanwhile, I’d much appreciate meeting you and chatting (chewing the cud as you people call it?) in a hedge at your  convenience…

Kind Regards

Problem Child

 

 

on 22nd August 2019.
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We like Boris down here at the abbatoir and we have a picture of him on our wall (next to the one of Holly Willoughby).

I don’t know about climate change and that but he’s got some chops and rump on him for sure.

Regards

Mr O Terror

Slaughterhouse Operative (2nd Class)

Medium Twit Answered on 29th July 2019.

Dear Mr O Terror,

I’m used to private schooling…I’m not used to the hideous conditions you work in (i.e. the picture of Holly Willoughby on the wall).

If I can help in anyway I’ll get my tricycle out and be straight over to assist. If I do could  I wear one of those hats that keep your hair in for health and safety reasons and have some sweets (rather than raw sweetbreads etc.) on arrival please?

Kind Regards

Problem Child

on 22nd August 2019.
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Hi there Problem Child,

Bingo makes some good points in his answer and really you could be satisfied with just this response we feel. However, we thought we’d also do a bit of “intertwit delving” (not a medical procedure) to make sure you have a full grasp of the vast array of available climate change facts and figures that could potentially bamboozle even a child of your massive precocity.

So here it is…

As with most things, the Prime Minster’s record on and attitude toward climate change can be best described as “fluid”.

He does however ride a bike.

That’ll be about it.

Chief Twit Answered on 22nd August 2019.
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