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The Two Kevins – Series 2 Episode 3.

They Sell Beer as Well.


A normal day wherever it is that the Two Kevins live.

Kev H & Kev F both enter the flat and sit down on the sofa.


Kev H: Well, that was a dull day at work, whatever it is we do.

Kev F: Yeah, it was pretty boring for me as well whatever it is I’ve just been doing. It’s all gone a bit quiet since “Pandagate” hasn’t it? And we haven’t even had any Kevin related issues either. In fact I haven’t seen any other Kevins around for ages.

Kev H: I think the general Kevin population are keeping a low profile in case any of them get set upon by panda loving bastards. I’ve heard reports of Kevin baiting going on by members of a group calling themselves “ Save Pandas and Kill Kevins”  Those SPaKK lads are sure protective of those bloody bears.

Kev F: Yes, that’s been a worrying development hasn’t it. That’s why I keep hold of that bear suit I took from Costner. You’ll never know when it’ll come in handy. Of course, it could just mean that we’ve run out of Kevins to have any confusion with…

Kev H: Run out of Kevins??? No way, there’s loads of Kevin left who haven’t been confused with! What about…errrm….Kevin…errrr..….Kevin….Prince-Boateng! Kevin Prince Boateng! Yes what about him? And Kevin Kuranyi. Him as well! Yes! See, there’s loads of Kevins. Loads.

Kev F: Kevin Prince-Boateng? The German born Ghanaian footballer who had brief spells with Spurs and Portsmouth and now plays for Las Palmas in Spain? The same Kevin Prince-Boateng who played for Germany at youth level only to be capped at senior level for Ghana?

Kev H: Hmm…no not that one, I’m thinking of the Kevin Prince-Boateng who works down the road in Majestic wines. They sell beer as well.

Kev F: And Kevin Kuranyi? The Brazilian born German international footballer, now retired, who played for Stuttgart, Schalke, Dynamo Moscow and Hoffenheim? That Kevin Kuranyi? Who played 52 times for Germany scoring 19 goals?

Kev H: Nooo…once again I’m thinking of a different Kevin Kuranyi. The one I’m thinking of also works down Majestic wines, although they sell beer as well, with Kevin Prince-Boateng.

Kev F: That’s a bit odd isn’t it? Two blokes with the same names as German footballers both working down the road at Majestic wines? I bet there’s a lot of confusion down at that shop although I suppose it would explain why there’s always a load of German football fans milling about outside.

Kev H: And although it’s called Majestic Wines, they also sell beer. This just gets stranger and stranger.

Kev F: Well, I think you’re just looking for something that isn’t really there Kev. Granted the 2 other Kev’s in the wine shop is a bit unusual but we’re called Kev so it can’t really be that odd can it? And Majestic have sold beer for years. What’s the big deal?

Kev H: I can’t believe you’re saying that! Have you forgotten the hilarious email?

Kev F: Of course not, that was hilarious.

Kev H: The Kevin Costner mistaken identity?

Kev F: Yes, I remember it wasn’t as funny as the email.

Kev H: Kelly Brook and her radiators?

Kev F: Is that what you call them?

Kev H: I’ll ignore that. What about you getting shot in the kneecaps?

Kev F: That wasn’t funny at all.

Kev H: No but Craig Revel- Horwood was funny wasn’t he?

Kev F: Kinda. My knee was still hurting quite badly when he turned up. I still have a slight limp when its cold you know.

Kev H: It that case I won’t mention the zoo thing then.

Kev F: Please don’t. Or the incident with the newsagent card. I still can’t quite get my head round that either.

Kev H: The Ken’s mistook Ken for Kev. It was the handwriting.

Kev F: But it was typed.

Kev H: Exactly! In any case you’re missing the point. I think we need to investigate Majestic wines and find out why so many Germans called Kevin are working down there.

Kev F: They’re not German though. These are different Kevin Prince-Boatengs and Kuranyis aren’t they?

Kev H: Kev, you’re always getting hung up on the detail. Anyway, right now we’re out of beer.

Kev F: Out of beer?!?!?!? Jesus, we better get down there right away. Let me just change into my German football top, we’ll get served quicker.



18 minute drum solo by Vinnie Appice out of Dio

Vinnie Appice out of Dio


All the other Two Kevins episodes here!

3 Comments on this article

  • BobMunkee 2017-06-23


    Is this some sort of attempt at plot development? Stick to what you’re bad at. And that’s no joke one -off episodes. This isn’t Downton Abbey or Blakes 7.


  • OnionTerror 2017-06-26

    I’m a big fan of Blakes 7. Blake was only in the first series. I wish this had ended at the first series.


  • BingoCaracas 2017-06-26

    “They sell beer as well.

    Ha, ha, that’s funny.


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