RE: Appropriate facial tattoos for business meetings

Dear Intertwit,

I’d like to know what you’d consider to be appropriate facial tattoos for business meetings. First impressions count.

As you will see from the picture of myself below (taken at a recent meeting at a London boutique investment bank specialising in mining, oil and gas), I’ve made a tentative start on the whole thing. I’ve retained my specs of course. I think this just adds an extra “tone” of competency over and above tattoos 1 through 46.

I’ve got a pretty big deal going on next week with a major institution in the city and I want to look my best. As you can see there are still some gaps (i.e. opportunities facially) to “fill-in”. I’ve only just begun my quest.

Any comments on piercings would also be considered. In many ways they clinch the deal.

Thanks to you in advance.


Minor Twerp Major Twit Asked on 2016-09-27 in It's personal.
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1 Answers


“Hey Idiotface!”

“Run children run!”

“Will that come off in the bath?”

“Did someone write on your face in the night?”

These are all things that I expect you’ve had directed at you many times over the years MinorTwerp.

Ok then, what about “Can I hang my keys on your lip?” though? Has anyone ever asked that?

Anyway, I digress. Tattoos, piercings and all that stuff. They’re ten a penny these days. It’s more difficult to meet anyone under the age of 30 who doesn’t have one isn’t it?

But you are right to be a little concerned, first impressions do still count MinorTwerp. And banks can come across a bit stuffy when they’re not trying the ruin the world economy or rob ordinary folk blind.

The good news is though there are a couple of things you can still do before your meeting next week with the forces of necessary evil. I see for example that you are still relatively ink-free around the earlobes so why not consider inserting a banking related theme thereon to impress your prospective investors?

What about inking in small portraits of your two favourite Bank of England Governors? It would show your respect for the UK banking system and confirm you’re not here to muck about – you mean business!

Personally we’d suggest going for the current incumbent and all-round heart-throb Mark Carney. He’s a dish.

Carney - Phwoarr!

Carney – Phwoarr!

And we’d use the other ear to show that we know our history so inaugural governor Sir John Houblon who served from 1694-97 would be an ideal choice.

That's all his own hair

That’s all his own hair

However, if you wanted a governor with a bit more edge then maybe you’d want to go for Humphry Morrice (1727-1729).

Humphry Morrice - Embezzler?

Humphry Morrice – Embezzler?

Mind you he was a bit of a scallywag who embezzled freely from the Bank and his own daughters trust fund and he also might have poisoned himself rather than face his creditors…so maybe not Humphry then but you get the idea. Just use those tatts to your advantage and get as much money as you can from those bunch of bankers!

Well good luck then Minor Twerp and let us know how you get on next week. Maybe you’ll be able to lend Intertwit a tenner! (Seriously, a tenner or anything you can spare would be nice as we’re a bit short at the moment what with one thing or another).

One other tip before we go though. Banks often have magnetic metal detectors in place these days for security purposes. So maybe think about taping your metal work down or wear a crash helmet to ensure your rings and piercings aren’t forcibly ripped from your face in a horrible and painful fashion!

Chief Twit Answered on 2016-09-30.
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