RE: celebrities and reality shows 2: the sequel, so a not as good reworking of the format

I cannot get enough of celebrities and reality. I cannot decide if they are different or the same thing. Blows your mind. Totes!

Anyway, I would like to suggest some new shows that may be required to add to the , how can I say this, tired format of some time of the existing shows, when I say tired I probably mean the run-ragged desperately on their last legs starved of talent numbnuts parade. Bit like My Chemical Romance’s Black Parade, but a lot more make up for the numbnuts. We all like a bit of eyeliner, but, Cheryl!!
Times are a changing as people say who are trying to fill the gap between having something useful to say and plagiarising something someone else said but claiming it as their own. Fortunately this is not the case on the creative forum that is Intertwit so, no, we will have none of that but totally new ideas. So therefore I will appoint myself as the official Head of Trends(HOT) and spout some future-thinking while coyly looking over my shoulder at the past (and maybe going OH!)
As everyone knows in the HOT world, in the future no one will go to shops any more. Everything will be ordered by App, packed by robots and delivered by drone. This leaves shops redundant, but no. The shops will be used as sets for reality programmes like Are You Being Served, Open All Hours and, err, Desmond’s, so I guess haircuts will be also performed by drones, with scissors and trimmers. Hilarious. Especially if we update the shows to Are You Being Servered, where Russians hack in to your main frame while the cast of reality D listers prank around a VR shopping channel. ( mmmhh, that could work), or Hoppen All Hours, where the corner shop provides all the basic food stuffs but also Farrow and Ball paints and Osborne and Little wallpaper, with a vintage till that hilariously traps the corkscrew blonde’s locks every time some twat pays with cash. ( so not HOT!!). And Desmond’s will be, err, about haircuts and scissors, I guess. Maybe with some product. This is an uncomfortable area for the HOT team.
The reality shows will of course be true to the original script, with lashings of innuendo, light hearted racism and well intentioned but ultimately soul destroying bullying , plus hot-tubs and swimwear pool parties.
Ground Force may be a distant memory of planting of perennial borders, joshing and decking, but Tenko is a slightly more distant memory, but Pacific rim fusion is all the rage so throwing a gang of B rated celebs into a bamboo prison camp with the sushi delights of treats for guerrilla gardening, rainwater storage and seedbanking. Crazy or what.
Love thy Neighbour was a sad indictment of a hopefully forgotten age where the foibles of race-challenged neighbours had hilarious, sorry, painful exchanges over the garden fence. But let us not throw the baby out with the bath water, as the culturally diverse quarrelling neighbours is still a great formula. We like watching the Aussi soaps Neighbours and Home and Away but how about Send Home Our Neighbours Away Back Where They Came From, a light hearted Brexit based suburban love and hate story; without the love. Fortunately there are plenty of celebs that have inadvertently had their twitter or Facebook past dragged up by the press showing them to be just right for this kind of role.

Mind your Language was unwatchable even then, with horrendous stereotypes, and remains in the category of ‘not fit for Dave channel’ thankfully and even not fit for the Yesterday ‘Hitler’ Channel. Mind you, the recent Piers ‘friend of the stars’ Morgan interview of Jim ‘Chalky’ Davidson has proved there is an audience for shit squared.

Here in the HOT headquarters we want to distance ourselves from Shitsquared, so predict the following TV delights

Hash in the Attic. Celebrities form teams with police helicopters to hunt out hotspots that could be hydroponic cannabis farms. The winner is the team that pulls in the highest street value of skunk.

Vocation, Vocation, Vocation. Celebrities, such as Rev Kate from Gogglebox, or Rev Richard Coles are looking for a new vicarage but can’t decide on whether to knock through to create a living/dining/kitchen experience, or maybe a snug, or home cinema, while making sure they retain kerb appeal.

The only way is Sussex (TOWIS)
Celebrities head to Beachy Head to do the right thing. Suggest first programme to include Piers ‘friend of the stars’ Morgan and Jim ‘ Nic Nic’ Davidson, maybe holding hands: sweet.

Other options
Pointless Pointillism: Zander, Richard, Dots!
The Chaser, with a laser
Countdown, no really, 30 seconds till Trump/Putin/Kim give us a proper conundrum

so if that is the question, what is the answer, or if that was the answer, I am questioning everything.


Peace and love



JohnOB Major Twit Asked on 2018-03-23 in Popular Culture.
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2 Answers

Thanks John O’B!

Is this a question or a stream of consciousness writ large for all to see?

We’re not sure to beĀ  honest as it’s taken us a while to read it.

Rest assured more will follow soon!

Chief Twit Answered on 2018-03-24.
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