RE: Custard and related matters


As you know I’ve asked a few searching questions on Intertwit and your answers have been at least average (sometimes slightly above my minimum threshold, sometimes slightly below). You’re “OK”.

Now that I’m 9 years old (and 8 months) I think I may be too enriched with deep knowledge for Intertwit. I think we could assume that?

That said I like you (in the loosest sense of that term) and I feel some mild affection towards you (unlike my current regard to my parents).

So I’ll give it another go to see if you have that  kind of “top level” intelligence that I personally live with on a daily basis myself – which, incidentally, for the record, would be much enhanced in private school education if my parents stopped investing in gin and could direct funds sensibly with the longer term picture in mind.

So my question: Is it true you that you are the originator of the “2017 – the year of custard”? I eat custard.I like it.

No need to get back in a hurry on that one. I’m massively busy.

Problem Child




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2 Answers


Hi there Problem Child, it’s a pleasure to hear from you once again. All of us at hope you had a smashing fun-filled Christmas which we trust wasn’t ruined by your dear parents too much.

Did you receive some lovely presents such as a “stick and hoop” or a Satsuma? We always liked getting that sort of thing when we were your age. Perhaps you got some more modern items such as an “etch-a-sketch” or a lovely board game such as “Risk”? Whatever you received I’m sure it was bought with the sort of love and care that you deserve.

We were also pleased to hear of your mild affection for us as well. We kind of like you also. Kind of.

Now then, let’s turn to Custard. We don’t know where you obtain your information from but yes you are right, 2017 is going to be a BIG YEAR FOR CUSTARD! And yes it is also true that will be at the forefront of 2017 International Year of Custard. Keep your eyes peeled in the coming weeks for some exciting announcements.

However, here’s a bit of an exclusive taster of what you can expect in the next 12 months:

The Coronation of a King & Queen of Custard

Who will be crowned the 2017 International Year of Custard’s King and Queen? Just who are the men and women who through their love and selfless promotion of all things custardy deserve this inaugural accolade?

Here’s a couple of the front runners…

V Feltz

T Anstis

D Behr

Icey T

..and they will be letting us know during this year just why they want the kingdom of custard to be handed to them in a bowl!

There’s also going to be a combined Music and Custard Festival – Custardbury  or Monsters of Custard (we haven’t decided which as yet) – to celebrate everything thick, sweet an yellow.

And will be featuring a host of custard recipes from all your favourite custard-loving celebrities such as Alec Baldwin, Lester Piggott and Natasha Kaplinsky  to name but 3.

It’s all very exciting and we can hardly contain ourselves! I bet you can’t either Problem Child!

2017 is going to a year to remember! Get your spoons at the ready!

Chief Twit Answered on 2016-12-30.

Dear Mr Twit,

Your answer scores quite highly according to my scientific calculator (having punched various key metrics in and passed them through a couple of my own seriously clever algorithms), I may be less than 10 years old but all of my nannies say that I have the brain and aptitude of an 18 year old, I’m pretty damn clever (although I’m catching up with you on the custard front). Unfortunately they also say I’m unbearable to live with, spoilt, obnoxious, sickly looking, and basically a brat. So did the previous 3 or 4 that resigned when I was 6. Ha! What do they know? When I choose and then acquire various wives on the Internet I’ll be sure not to go for any that are like the numpties responsible for my upbringing. I’m lucky to have turned out like I have. It’s nature, not nurture Mr Twit. I was just blessed with amazing genes (unlike my parents).

As an aside, do you consider adoptions and/or apprenticeships?

Problem Child


on 2016-12-30.
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