RE: How to vote this week
Dear Mr Intertwit, As I approach the age of 14 I am becoming more political in my thinking (for example my banker parents are idiots and I’ve expressed this to them – they don’t like it). It’s apparently not ‘PC’ to criticise bankers that leach the country of money. Still, at least they appear to be happy – although they’re not around much. …tend to be in the city or on one of our yachts. This is quite convenient for me actually as I am drinking daddy’s massive back-stock of single malt whisky which I am enjoying before (and after) school. I’m quite loaded now actually. How should I vote this week please in the general election? I need a quick answer as daddy said not to vote anything other than conservative but my hero is Screaming Lord Such of the Monster Raving Loony Party but sadly he died in 1999 leaving me very few alternatives.
By the way, I can’t vote myself due to age but my chauffeur votes on my behalf (so he can’t vote for himself therefore and quite right as he is lower class) so does what I tell him to do – so you answer is critical.
Thank you Mr Intertwit,
You’re right that my smooth parts are being replaced with a hideous explosion of billowing blond hair. I see a market opportunity for stuffing pillows with it and selling in one of the local posh shops to very wealthy London ladies that do little else than dress themselves up and drive around in Range Rovers (like my mother).
My face is always scarred – the acne is quite something to behold already (but also from various slaps from my parents for not having ‘come up to standard’ for my future banking or political career). Life is hard in the upper classes.
Your prediction of a 79 seat majority is remarkable. My father (using that now instead of ‘daddy’ due to the smooth part replacement) said 95 so you were much closer. That’s why I want to come and live with you. You should be my father (not biologically speaking of course). It can be arranged. He would pay for it all and perhaps get you out of the misery of living without a massive income?
I shall look further info Lord Buckethead and Count Binface. This will do me well for my future political career. And to confirm….my career projection is this: Finish boarding school -> Eton -> Oxford -> Banking -> Prime Minister -> Banking again -> Lord.
Yes I shall be off on winter sports for a few months or so. My father said (he’s not coming along) try not to break a leg or die.