RE: These boots were made for walking
I would like to purchase a pair of walking shoes, or boots, but not flip-flops, and over my dead body, slides.
While I am not currently taking walks into the Lake District, the English, or Irish, or even the Italian lakes, I have a hankering. These are all excellent locations, though the recent excellent review in September Beer of the Month would be of most appeal if it was not for the gluten content of the beers, but if they could replace the gluten with elderberries then I could be persuaded. Anyway, I digress.
I would like some footwear that does not look too “Teresa May” if you know what I mean. I also do not want anything that looks like a deck shoe; it’s one step away from wearing a blazer and saying “calm down, it’s a commercial”. I do not want to look like some premier league footballer prancing around in one green, one orange slipper that screams “my opinion of myself far exceeds that of the punters wasting their hard earned money on coming to see me on a Saturday just before I head off to a shisha bar to celebrate losing 5 to 1”
I hope you can assist me in my search. I could go to sports direct and line Mr Ashley’s pockets, or I could just give the money direct to a food bank so that it gets to his staff quicker.
Please help me, I have notoriously weak ankles and do not want to have to be rescued by the air ambulance every time I stroll up Scafell Pike, Ally Pally, or Hilly Fields.
Peace and love
Dear Hertford Twit,
Once again Intertwit has not disappointed me and you have sourced some tasty boots, some would say bootylicious, but not me as I am not 14 years old.
To add to this you have designed me a bespoke pair of boots that are both tasteful, modest, innovative and environmentally friendly which pretty well sums me up.
I am really looking forward to taking delivery of these. I imagined a cutting edge enterprise like Intertwit will deliver them by a drone or vacuum tube into my pantry, but then I though it would make more sense to simply programme the CLPI and the GFLBA to walk to my house with the boots filled with enough batteries for the journey. You guys are genius. My neighbours will be so impressed when they see my Daffodil 1400s trotting down the road. Just watch out for the dog mess outside number 86.
Must rush, I need to write a sycophantic letter to Waitrose magazine saying how amazing the recipe for choux pastry was in last months edition; the book club were so amazed with my éclairs ( that should win me the Dualit toaster)
peace and love