RE: tolerant film makers
I am putting together a film, with a working title of The Grammar School of Curious Intolerant Children, and intend to set it in your xenophobic little island as making a film in Spanish would be totes loco, and my intern researchers have failed to identify if Judi Dench speaks Español.
It will tackle the difficult subject of food intolerance, which is, how you say, bang on trend. It will be humorous and light hearted with probably Hugh Grant as the headmaster or maybe a bit darker with Vinny Jones or Ian McShane.
I have done some research on what a traditional English school looks like and I have concluded the following;
•all girl schools have a headmaster in drag, with dubious characters lurking in the bushes with betting slips while the staff and pupils carry out illegal but well intentioned capers.
•for mixed schools, it is only accessible by way of a steam train from a concealed platform at Kings Cross to transport you to a wholly unlikely establishment obsessed with sorcery, so probably some ropey creationist free school.
There are not many films about all boy schools so I was hoping you could enlighten me as to the way of education in these secretive establishments. These mystical places surely produce your country’s leaders of industry where they develop skills through Latin, rugby and chess.
I will be working on my script so welcome all suggestions from Intertwit experts.
¿ can you help me, por favour?
paz y amor
I am impressed that you have survived your school, or gulag as I have read in the historical records.
It has inspired me to come up with a film script which will have the Hollywood moguls beating a path to my door, on their knees, with bags of freely convertible currency and promising me all the exotic foodstuff that you associate with gold plated success.
A group of year 12 (5th year in old money) are gathered by the bike rack, and there are many bikes, as the nation has embraced the two wheeled mode of transport as cars are legally evil, and fossil fuelled vehicles are condemned to the scrap heap, or the Isle of Man, which has become a dystopian setting of man v machine v very tight corners with unforgiving stone walls.
The boys are passing round their vapes, comparing caramel vs latte, vs panini flavours. The more flamboyant are creating huge plumes of aromatics, while the shy but adventurous are keen to be seen near to the in-crowd with their vanilla or mint starter kits.
The older kids are toying with stronger flavours, frangipani and Black Forest. At this point the PE teacher walks by, and recommends a few new flavours he has been trying out that has helped the badminton team; echinacea and milk thistle.
They all laugh heartily and everything is just amazing and………………..then……….the colour fades out of the faces of the children, the smiles become looks of horror, the sky blackens and the clocks rewind to 2016, the Year that the Clocks Went Back.
It is now a few years later. The child, let’s call him Toby, does not want to go to school, but his dad says he has to, and today is Wednesday which is games day, so he must make sure he has all his kit as well his his inhalers or he will be shipped off to the Home for the Carnal Benefit of MPs and DJs. He double checks his gym kit; can’t be too careful. He has his gluten, lactose, and nut free packed lunch ready. When he joined the Grammar School of Curious Intolerant Children, those were the happy days, but then 2016 happened.
His father had explained to him The Year that the Clocks Went Back. Up until 2016 the world was becoming more tolerant towards those with eating disorders with even leading pizza chains offering gluten free alternatives, and the country showed tolerance to those of differing sexual persuasion. Racism was absolutely NOT bang on trend, disability was embraced and people even whispered about equal pay for women, though this may have been a little too ambitious. Then in 2016 everything changed. Sexism was ok, racism was positively encouraged, tax evasion became a part of the curriculum and basement conversions including a swimming pool, cinema, snug and nuclear fallout shelter became de rigueur. One benefit though was that the PPE degree was rendered obsolete, as any fat orange twat with no experience of politics could rock up and get a job in politics.
And so the course of history was changed. Toby has his special lunch, he definitely has his games kit and inhalers, and he checks his Geiger counter to see if the levels are safe to make the journey through the underground tunnels to school.
Did I mention the nuclear fallout?
paz y amor