RE: Will Mr Boris Johnson be fixing the weather/climate please?

Dear Mr Intertwit, I’m 13.5 years old now and apparently this disqualifies me from being a member of Boris Johnson’s new cabinet – some crazy rule about not having immature persons in senior posts….which begs a few other questions.

Anyway, to address the matter of rising temperatures and climate change I’ve resorted to contacting you directly as no doubt you have a direct line to Boris or may indeed be able to get it all sorted your good self.

I’d very much appreciate it if you could crack on with this very quickly as I’m over-heating. I also might need to get a train to a school disco and apparently they’re not working very well due to the heat.

When it’s done please contact my banker parents who will relay the news via various servants/cleaners/gardeners/builders (we don’t talk directly due to them being too busy). Thank you, Problem Child

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We like Boris down here at the abbatoir and we have a picture of him on our wall (next to the one of Holly Willoughby).

I don’t know about climate change and that but he’s got some chops and rump on him for sure.


Mr O Terror

Slaughterhouse Operative (2nd Class)

Medium Twit Answered on 2019-07-29.

Dear Mr O Terror,

I’m used to private schooling…I’m not used to the hideous conditions you work in (i.e. the picture of Holly Willoughby on the wall).

If I can help in anyway I’ll get my tricycle out and be straight over to assist. If I do couldĀ  I wear one of those hats that keep your hair in for health and safety reasons and have some sweets (rather than raw sweetbreads etc.) on arrival please?

Kind Regards

Problem Child

on 2019-08-22.
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