RE: Will Mr Boris Johnson be fixing the weather/climate please?

Dear Mr Intertwit, I’m 13.5 years old now and apparently this disqualifies me from being a member of Boris Johnson’s new cabinet – some crazy rule about not having immature persons in senior posts….which begs a few other questions.

Anyway, to address the matter of rising temperatures and climate change I’ve resorted to contacting you directly as no doubt you have a direct line to Boris or may indeed be able to get it all sorted your good self.

I’d very much appreciate it if you could crack on with this very quickly as I’m over-heating. I also might need to get a train to a school disco and apparently they’re not working very well due to the heat.

When it’s done please contact my banker parents who will relay the news via various servants/cleaners/gardeners/builders (we don’t talk directly due to them being too busy). Thank you, Problem Child

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3 Answers

I’m going to submit an answer if I may Problem Child. I’ve been following your question career rather keenly and while, like everyone else I suspect,  I find you incredibly spoilt and annoying here’s my thoughts.

Boris “BoJo” Johnson is a lovable and raffish buffoon. A tousle-haired blonde dotard with little understanding of anything beyond his own selfish desires and wants and the relentless need to feather his already considerable nest. But those are just his good points. He is of course considerably worse than that and couldn’t give a flying garden bridge about climate change. And if he did he wouldn’t know the first place to start as this arse\elbow pictorial demonstrates:

We might as well all just go and die in a ditch.

I hope that helps Problem Child!


Mr B Caracas

BonViveur of life (2nd Class)

Minor Twit Answered on 2019-07-29.

Dear Mr B Caracas,

I think if you met me you would want to adopt me and take me out of this hideous world of private schooling and  unlimited funds for this and that. It’s difficult being the son of bankers. I learnt the other day that social workers, that do a much more important job I hear, apparently earn a bit less than mummy and daddy. Seems odd and I don’t believe it.

Anyway, thanks for the update –  mummy and daddy are off on a cruise and I’m looking forward to seeing them when they get back in 2023. Meanwhile, I’d much appreciate meeting you and chatting (chewing the cud as you people call it?) in a hedge at your  convenience…

Kind Regards

Problem Child



on 2019-08-22.
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