Curly Kale recipes please
I have been led to believe by many celebrity chefs that curly kale is the new superfood.
Unfortunately I have as yet been unable to include it any of my own recipes as it tastes like eating a load of dark green cardboard no matter how I cook it.
Can you help Interwit? Please!
The best way to have curly kale is: one blender aka nutri bullet, two handfuls of curly kale mixed with 250ml of Vodka (brand you own preference) the exact amount is necessary, blend and drink for breakfast. Sets you up for the day. Mix three different berries in for the twist and your have done your five a day. Been doing this for two years now and feel super
Celebrtity chefs are great aren’t they NikkiH? My personal favourite is professional Yorkshireman James Martin who lives in Surrey. He’s brilliant.
Anyway, we know a thing or two about cooking here at Intertwit and we’ve been hard at work in our Blumenthal style laboratory coming up with these kale inspired culinary delights just for you:
- Sautee the kale lightly in crushed garlic and butter. Serve simply on a plate
- Salt it heavily with Maldon sea salt flakes and bake in the oven to produce a crispy sea weed style dish
- Boil the crap out of it, bury it for 10 years and serve it with the Swedish fermented fish delicacy Surstromming.
- Sautee again but this time with brandy. Throw the kale away, drink the brandy. Eat a Fray Bentos Steak and kidney pie in a tin.
…and for dessert
- Serve with Madagascan Vanilla ice cream but don’t eat the Kale
- Soak it overnight in petrol, flambé it and douse liberally with cointreau for an alternative take on crepe suzette
- Cover it in chocolate, decorate with delicate sugar work and throw it in the bin
Let’s face it, we’re polishing a turd here aren’t we? Kale is food for cows no matter what anyone tells you. And don’t buy into this nonsense at all about super foods. You don’t see cows running the 100 meters in less than 10 seconds or winning the Tour de France do you?
Have a jacket potato instead.
I’ve got an excellent Curly Kale Doner Kebab recipe. When ordering your next kebab ask for all of the salad options (including Curly Kale – they might just have it). Go outside and immediately identify the nearest bin. Ditch all of the items in the kebab that are not made from either pitta, lamb (eyeballs and testicles etc.) or chilli sauce. Then consume it. You’ll feel great about asking for all the salad (you’ll remember that in the morning) but may have forgotten about the bin incident. You’ll also have shaved off 10 calories thereby taking it down to (on average) 980 calories – and for some of us calorie counters, that saving really stacks up day after day.