Suitable commode recommendations


Dear Intertwit,

We’re about to embark on a significant annual beer-related journey.

As we travel from pub to pub, we have been increasingly aware that the toilets are often full of unsavoury individuals (and unsavoury deposits). Sometimes it’s difficult to tell which are which.

Plus of course, as we’re all very old now, we often have to  make unscheduled stops between hostelries.

Or perhaps we just have to soil our britches. That’s the norm.

This leads to significant laundry costs and in some cases under-bag destruction with certified professionals to hand. The costs add up.

We’ve done some preliminary research and this item looks ideal for our trip:

Intertwit came to mind. Can you help?



Major Twit Asked on 2016-03-09 in Medical.
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An annual beer related journey Minor Twerp? That sounds like a lot of fun to us for sure. And it probably would be if the incontinence issue wasn’t spoiling (and no doubt soiling) the experience for yourself and anyone within 10 yards of you and your fellow travellers.

You are however looking in the right area with your foldable commode solution. What may hold you back somewhat is its lack of portability. Intertwit therefore recommends something with wheels like this Self Propelled Commode:


It’s lightweight and nippy and can hold upto 150kg (23 stones in old money) in weight. But its real beauty lies in the fact that even if you do have an accident you can wheel yourself into the nearest shower, lake or ditch and wash yourself down without the fear of corrosion or metal fatigue. I daresay you’d even be able to go through a carwash in cases of extreme soilage.

The self-propelled nature of this commode will give you the extra freedom your life has been missing and within days you’ll feel liberated, free from the worry of excessive laundry bills and covert underwear disposal. You’ll be a one-man mobile dirty protest unit with all the benefits that tag suggests.

At £924.95 (exc VAT) it’s a touch more expensive than you were maybe thinking of spending but this unit is not just for today or next week. You’re old and getting older, it’ll be an investment for the rest of your life!

Don’t want to spend that much Minor Twerp? Well the alternative (and there is an alternative) is to wrap your lower body in water resistant material such as clingfilm or the bags that loaves of sliced bread come in. Wrap the plastic securely, but not so tight that there isn’t enough” give” to “trap” your bodily residue and simply walk around drinking, eating and “expelling” as normal. At the end of the day, take yourself down to your nearest lake, river or ditch and wash the whole lot off. We’re not going to tell you what to do MinorTwerp but at we will give you choices!

Good luck on your trip and let us know you get on. If we see you out and about then don’t forget to buy us a pint! (I expect we’ll actually be able to smell you before we see you so make sure your hands are clean).


Chief Twit Answered on 2016-03-13.
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Thank you Intertwit. I’ve seen those self-propelling ones around town. They always have “In association with Intertwit” on the back (fully branded with the web address for this website etc.).

That aside, I’m afraid 150kg will be  under the required weight requirement. The drinking party will have an average weight of 28 stone which is likely to move comfortably in to 30+ bracket given the volume of carbohydrates that will be consumed (along with the beer, many of the party consume a lot of quiche).

I for one have decided to go for the “bags that sliced bread come in”. I’m already finding this highly convenient and given the significant amount of crumbs left over in those things, a handy emergency snack resource. Although I must confess, they taste better pre-soiled.

Thanks again.

Major Twit Answered on 2016-03-13.
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